BDSM Collaring Ceremony Ideas & Inspiration

By Sofia Arlo – April 16, 2025

What Is A Collaring Ceremony in BDSM?

A collaring ceremony is a ritual in the BDSM community that symbolizes the formal commitment between a Dominant and a submissive. It marks a significant shift in a D/s relationship, and very often holds the same meaning as a wedding would. And while most ceremonies are held in private, it can also be held in the outdoors, or as part of a community event.

As the name suggests, almost every collaring includes the giving and accepting of a collar, from the dominant to the submissive. The gender and number of people participating is completely irrelevant and up to those involved.

We already established how deeply important a collaring can be. It is therefore not uncommon to include personal vows and promises that are read before or after putting on the collar. But more on that later!

Who Officiates a Collaring Ceremony?

Most collaring ceremonies are held in private between one dominant and one submissive. In this scenario, the dominant would usually be the one to lead the ceremony and guide the submissive.

In case your bond is between multiple people, or you have guests attending the ceremony, the officiant could be a close friend or an experienced Dom / Dominatrix you know from a kink event or community.

When Is a Relationship Ready for Collaring Ceremony BDSM?

Collaring is not something you typically do within the first month of your relationship. For every couple the meaning and therefore timing will be different. But here is a general guideline for when collaring can make sense:

TRUST has been built over time through consistency, communication, and care
You feel a STRONG CONNECTION to each other
Both of you are great at COMMUNICATING with each other both during sex and during the relationship
The partner being collared has WORN A COLLAR before and enjoys the sensation very much
You have negotiated limits, boundaries and expectations
Both of you are interested in a collaring dynamic

The Ceremony

Before we get into the specific details, here is how a ceremony could look like in terms of structure:

[1] Dom buys & gift wraps the collar

[2] Both partners prepare their vows (and write out the contract)

[3] Dom prepares the location before inviting in the submissive

[4] Dom starts with a quiet introduction

[5] Both partners read their vows

[6] Contract is signed (optional)

[7] Dom presents the collar and collars their submissive – this can include a ritual such as flogging, undressing, kneeling, a poem, etc.

[8] Play, Aftercare, Bath, Cuddles, Food etc.

The Collar

Deciding who buys the collar (Sub, Dom or Together) is up to you. Nevertheless, the Dom is usually the one to choose, buy and handover the collar.

When choosing a collar, ask yourself what purpose it should serve? If the collar is meant to be worn on a daily basis, go for a day collar. This is a discreet, often jewelry-like collar that can be worn in public without drawing attention. If the collar is only worn during play time or at home, you might want to check out dedicated BDSM leather collars to which you can attach leashes and that are wider in design.

Since a collaring ceremony is deeply personal, I recommend personalizing your collar either through engraving or hot stamping a name, nickname, pet name or special date into the collar. In case you don’t want it to show, you have the option to personalize the inside of the collar. Ludosati.com is one of the companies offering such a custom service at a fair price.

If you are not sure what specific collar your submissive will enjoy, I recommend asking them for a general preference in design, thickness, material (leather or metal) and color. Ideally you want them to not be 100% sure what collar they will get since it’s meant to be a surprise.

Presentation Of Your Gift

At some point in the ceremony, you will be handing over the collar to your submissive. This specific moment should feel very special and personal to her. And to achieve this, I recommend you ensure the setting is beautifully set up + you package the collar in a way that is screams “luxury & expensive”. Now don’t worry, this does not have to be a diamond box!

Gift wrapping your collar in a way that seems luxurious but won’t bankrupt you is easy. Here is a specific idea with things you can buy on Amazon:

Step 1: Place the collar into a black cotton bag (optional)

Step 2: Place the collar (with bag) into a wooden box (natural material feels high quality)

Step 3: Gift wrap the item with black wrapping paper & a black bow (black matches the theme and looks high-end)

In case you prefer a ready-made solution, check out ludosati.com – they have gift wrapping options specifically for collaring ceremonies.

Guests or No Guest?

Do you want to go the typical rout and have a private and intimate ceremony just between you two (or three …)? Or would you prefer to invite friends and other members of the kink community?

Both are valid options and are entirely up to you. An intimate setting in private is ideal for those who don’t have a lot of contacts in the kink community or just don’t want to share this intimate moment with other people. A collaring with guests is perfect for swingers and kinksters who have a lot of contact with the kink community and have a list of like-minded people to invite.

And while the opinion of others shouldn’t matter, I recommend only inviting those who fully understand and respect D/s dynamics. You don’t want to run the risk of someone else ruining that special night for you.

The Setting – Decor and Atmosphere Ideas

The setting should match the emotional and symbolic tone of the bdsm collaring ceremony. Here are some ideas you can take inspiration from and pick one or combine multiple. We have deliberately chosen less and more expensive ideas, since we know that some couples do like to go all-in on a collaring ceremony.

Bedroom: Prepare your bedroom with candles, incent and tons of flowers. Turn off the lights and put on calming music that will not distract. Set the gift wrapped collar in the middle of the made bed with flowers surrounding the package.
Dungeon: Book a BDSM Hotel or BDSM Dungeon for just the two of you. Decorate with large red or black candles
Altar: Build a with personal items such as photos, important sex toys, the collar and candles.
Themes: gothic, elegant, fantasy, ritualistic, medieval, flowery
Nature: you could find a public space in nature, no one ever visits. Bring a pic nick with flowers and candles.
Red LEDs: These are a nice addition if you hold it in your apartment and set the mood.
Sound: use sound cues (bells, gongs) to initiate or close the ritual space

Contract

Not every collaring ceremony includes a contract, but it can be a great basis to create your vows on plus you can read the contract during the ceremony and sign it together – in private or with people watching.

You might be asking yourself what a D/s contract usually includes? Generally it outlines:

The responsibilities of both partners to each other – in the relationship and in the bedroom
Hard limits, soft limits & boundaries as well as safe words and emergency procedures such as aftercare
Rules the submissive has to follow and adhere to
Desires of both partners – sexually and emotionally
Time Frame – contracts may be temporary (30, 90, 365 days) or open-ended.

The contract can be typed or handwritten. A really cool and artistic option you can opt for is paying a calligrapher on Fiverr to handwrite your contract in a medieval black font. Some might even be able to leather bind your contract or deliver it as roll!

When it comes to signing your contract during the ceremony you have the option to sign with a pen, add a wax signature or via blood (use a pinprick)

Vows

Vows are spoken commitments made during the ceremony and should be written out before the ceremony – improvising is not recommended. Dominants might vow to protect, guide, cherish, or discipline with fairness and care. Submissives might vow to serve, obey, trust, grow, or surrender.

The Ritual Of Collaring

The moment you build up to – the collaring. This moment should be special and memorable. An easy way to achieve that is to agree on some sort of ritual you will perform after having read the vows that will initiate the act of putting the collar onto the submissive. Here are some ideas you could take inspiration from:

Use a flogger to “bless” the submissive before collaring. The flogger can also be used to forgive and forget their past sins.
Have the submissive slowly strip naked; then have them unwrap the collar and give it to the dom; the dom will then place the collar around their neck.
Bath together and wash each other as a symbolic cleansing
Prepare a potion or meal that you both eat before handing over the collar.
Invite witnesses to lay hands on the collar and say a blessing before it’s given to the submissive

When it comes to the moment of putting on the collar, the dominant should be the one to take the collar, lay it around the submissives neck and then close either the buckle or the lock if you bought a lock collar.